I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
