There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
