Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
