So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
