I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
