he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
