fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
