I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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