Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
