I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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