hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
