I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
