I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
