Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
