Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
