he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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