I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
