so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
