She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
