Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Drake has all the answers
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
