he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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