Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
