I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
