Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
last night I used snow as a chaser
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