i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
