the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
