i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
