I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
