i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
