She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
