hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
