peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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