Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize