hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
