It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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