And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
