pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
