I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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