Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
