If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
