i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
