I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
operation harelip BJ is a go
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
