Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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