Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
