it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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