Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
