Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm like, not good at living.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
