soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
