Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
