if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
