I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
