Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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