come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
