yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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